by Kelly Pickerill

Diane Ackerman has written a book about the brain; she’s written a book about the holocaust and one about gardening. Her writing is always vibrant and intimate, but with her latest book, she has explored the territory of her own nightmare: her husband’s stroke which left him unable to communicate, and its aftermath of rehabilitation.

Ackerman is married to British novelist Paul West. Together they have written nearly seventy-five books. West’s are, according to Ackerman, characterized by “flamboyant and allusive” phrases. He is a playful wordsmith, one who will say a word simply to hear the sound of it, just to relish the feel of it in his mouth. He makes up many words too, hyphenating, abbreviating, and then mashing the bits back together to create a nuance of meaning. He enjoys surprising his wife with new phrases to describe her, new ways to show his adoration.

One Hundred Names for Love is the story of Ackerman’s struggle – watching her husband, who got so much joy out of language, struggle to communicate, able to let out only a single, frustrating syllable, “mem,” she wrestles with her own knowledge of the way our minds work, knowledge that leaves her disappointingly void of hope. Her empathy for West’s situation, however, eventually leads to her discovery of a breakthrough.

I don’t know what the breakthrough is yet; I’m only in chapter four. But I do know one comes, because in the first few chapters, when describing West’s stroke and the first days afterward, she relates West’s experience from his perspective, “as he later told her.”

As I read, I’m discovering that Ackerman is just as much of a wordsmith as her husband. She uses common images in surprising ways, employing all of the guns in her arsenal: her naturalist sensibilities, her sophisticated understanding of human behavior, and her intimate connection with her subject.

StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath (Gallup, 2007)

A few years ago for his birthday, my dad decided that, instead of giving him presents, he wanted us all to read the book Now, Discover Your Strengths and take the accompanying online assessment. He had just finished the book and was obviously excited. Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton explain the ideas behind the “strength revolution.”

Instead of this book, I ended up reading Tom Rath’s StrengthsFinder 2.0, a shorter continued text explaining the different strengths identified when the reader takes the online assessment. Rath explains the necessity to rethink how we view ourselves:

“At its fundamentally flawed core, the aim of almost any learning program is to help us become who we are not.”

For example, even if students don’t excel in certain areas of study, they are still required to pursue it with the same vigor as for their strengths. While learning from mistakes is a valuable process, too much time focused here can be stifling.

Rath continues, “In every culture we have studied, the overwhelming majority of parents think that a student’s lowest grades deserve the most time and attention. Parents and teachers reward excellence with apathy instead of investing more time in the areas where a child has the most potential for greatness.”

I took the quiz and read the whole book the day I got it. With the assessment, you get your top five strengths, each coming with plans of action. It’s a useful tool in helping you identify a few major skills to pursue instead of halfway chasing things that aren’t bolstered by your strengths.

I found out that my weird habits don’t have to be a detriment. For example, one of my “strengths” is Input.

“You are inquisitive. You collect things […] Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting […] If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don’t feel comfortable throwing anything away […] Its interesting. It keeps your mind fresh.”

What a more dynamic way to look at a group of habits than to simply conclude them a disadvantage (like, “You have too much stuff!”)

Readers of this book will find new ways to consider their personalities and daily habits. By identifying and pursuing areas of strength, a person can ultimately lead a more fulfilled lifestyle. -Peyton

A good dream book is hard to find.  This is the lesson I’ve been learning since this summer.  Already fascinated by the idea of dream interpretation, seeing Christopher Nolan’s Inception and having it blow my mind proved to be the starting gun on my dream research. But I soon found that I would have to wade through volumes of repetitive dream interpretation dictionaries and  cheezy dream journals; not what i was hoping for.   Unhappy with the market’s selection, I was pleased to meet Gillian Holloway’s The Complete Book of Dreams.  Having sections specifically on dream symbols and interpretation, she also provides insights on other aspects of the dreaming process, including its evolutionary purpose and how we can use this subconscious state to connect with others’ dreaming patterns.

This read, engaging from cover to cover, has helped push-back my bedtime for months.. I’ve often woken from a night’s sleep totally exhausted and for years, thought there was nothing I could do about it.  Having a history of lucid dreams and nightmares, this book has helped me understand the connection between these experiences, and that I can cultivate a voice in my dreaming life as much as in my waking life.  Learning the brain’s involvement in connecting these two realities has allowed me to understand the power i can actually hold.  Holloway writes, “There is nothing more taboo than owning your own power, and in a variety of amazing ways, anxiety dreams can be part of this passage.”  -Peyton

When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds  That Sabotage Our Relationships

by David Richo

Shambhala  (2008)

Earlier this year, I read an illuminating study on our responsibilities for our interactions with others, especially those we care the most about. While slowly reading this emotionally challenging book, I was thinking I would restart immediately when I finished. I couldn’t, I felt like my psyche had been put through a washing machine and needed hanging on the clothes line to dry. The present seemed my time to share this blog.

Transference is when we tend to go through life simply casting new people in roles of key people. This defense is joined by projection (mistaking internal experience for an external one) and displacement (mistaking one person for another). Richo’s book is about noticing mindfully, staying away from attachment, trying not to carry the past into the present (perpetuating our old scenarios and trying to recreate them).

Integrating our experiences means reshaping our lives in accord with what we’ve gained from addressing, processing and resolving. Digging deep, getting into and trying to understand the guts of our past (shadow work).

In writing about this book, I could easily be excessive. In my review copy, it’s seriously underlined, many pages with corners turned down and my code of importance (5 stars=max) are bountiful. This book is wise and helpful.

I feel learning from my past relationships (childhood, teen, parent, work, etc.) is critical for fulfillment in my older years. The processes Richo clearly states here are immeasurably beneficial to current relationship interaction. This is an important book.

David Richo has a new book coming out soon. I eagerly await its release. I’ve made a request to Shambhala to send David to Jackson on a book tour. If you consider this meaningful, please share your feelings with David Richo here and Shambhala here.

The Invisible Gorilla and Other Ways Our Intuitions Deceive Us by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons

(Crown, 2010)

Chabris and Simons shared the 2004 IG Nobel Prize in psychology for their now famous “Gorilla Experiment”. While teaching at Harvard 12 years ago, this single experiment launched a whole new wave of ideas on how we think about ourselves, our judgments, our reactions, and our intentions. Invisible Gorilla sheds light on the traps that we unknowingly lead ourselves into, not knowing that these traps even exist.  Hopefully reading this book will help us to become clearer thinkers and thus prevent problems caused by our erroneous views of reality.

Invisible Gorilla is focused on six everyday illusions that profoundly influence our lives. The illusions of:

1) Attention: Our overestimation of our intelligence, attractiveness, sense of humor, etc.

2) Memory: Our recollection of events based loosely on reality.

3) Confidence: Our self-assurance confusing confidence with competence.

4) Knowledge: We know less than we think we do.

5) Cause: We mistake correlation for causation.

6) Potential: Loosing sight of our limitations.

The authors explain in detail how these illusions affect us, the consequences they have and how we can overcome or minimize their impact.

I especially enjoyed the ending chapters. “Get Smart Quick” explores our misconception about perceived healthy mental habits: listening to Mozart makes you smarter or working crosswords prevents Alzheimer’s disease. This chapter does confirm our need for aerobic exercise and that blood flow to the brain and physical health may be our best tools for healthy mental awareness.

Chabris and Simons acknowledge in the conclusion the immense trust we have in ourselves and how difficult it is to be honest with our internal reactions and judgments. The Invisible Gorilla is a tool to help us tune up our daily mental vehicle allowing our physical self to run more smoothly.

How to Be an Adult Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

by David Richo

Shambhala (2002)

I would venture to say that we all have problems in the relationships we share with those we care the most about. It’s how we interact and respond to these problems that often solve the conflict or result in a disastrous outcome. Our awareness about ourselves and the understanding of our responses with the desire for adult consideration seem to work out the best results. Responses generated without forethought and heavy on emotionalism break down willingness for communication, increase drama, and lead to a disintegrating relationship.

David Richo understands that love is experienced differently by each of us. He has centered this book on the five aspects of love and how our self-esteem emerges from relationship contact with others:

1. Attention (leads to self-respect)

2. Acceptance (being a good person)

3. Appreciation (generation of self worth)

4. Affection (feeling loveable)

5. Allowed Freedom (pursuit of our deepest wishes, needs, desires, values, etc.)

David’s very helpful book explores these five As in detail, breaking down the positive and negative effects of interpreting our behavior effectively. He helps us to understand the five As and how they can improve the chances for a  more positive companionship while exploring real intimacy.

David leads the reader to explain their past behavior by exploring their shadow. The result is increasing the awareness of why we make certain choices.

How to Be an Adult is not just about romantic time with your partner. It’s also about child-parent, parent-aging parent, worker-coworker, etc., basically any meaningful relationship in your life. David’s book is a major treatise for improving your knowledge of who you are, a guide on how to express truthfully and genuinely who you are, a guide for learning about and respecting boundaries.

Having a good relationship requires much work on ourselves. By being more comfortable about who we are allows us to pursue the satisfaction of our times with others more completely with more satisfaction. This is a masterly crafted tool for us to use to chisel our interactions in a way to create an artfully fulfilled life.

The Male Brain: A Breakthrough Understanding of How Men and Boys Think

by Louann Brizendine, M.D.

Broadway, March 2010

Like The Female Brain, The Male Brain traces the organic development of the brain through the stages of life. I have been looking forward to reading this book for over a year now. Comparing the two books was most interesting, and now future readers can read them back to back.

The male cell has a Y chromosome and the female does not. Eight weeks after conception, the tiny male testicles begin to produce enough testosterone to fundamentally alter its structure.

The male brain is a lean mean problem-solving machine with two and a half times the brain space devoted to sexual drive. Sexual thoughts flicker all day and night making him always ready to seize sexual opportunity. Women don’t always realize that a penis has a mind of its own.

Especially parents of both sexes will benefit from reading The Boy Brain and The Teen Boy Brain sections. Boys’ moods and drives are explained clearly as they change biologically and with age. Mating and parenthood go way back in the evolution of the male brain development. The need to protect loves ones and to reproduce drive the male towards survival.

Now that I am getting old, I especially enjoyed the section on manhood and the description of the emotional lives of men.

I agree with the author: “. . . learning the male brain can help men and women feel more intimacy, compassion and appreciation for each other. Such understanding might be the most important factor in creating a genuine balance between the sexes.”

In 2008, I was reading The Female Brain and wrote about it here. Joe also has read The Male Brain and wrote about how it has affected his role as a parent. Check out Louann’s website here.

“If we have figured out the art of time bombs before hand, we will set hundred of them around houses, roads, bridges, buildings and gas stations, anything that will cause damage and chaos…It’ll be like the LA riots, the Oklahoma bombing, WWII, Vietnam…all mixed together.  Maybe we will even start a little rebellion or revolution to fuck things up as much as we can…If by some weird as shit luck me and V survive and escape we will move to some island somewhere or maybe Mexico, New Zealand or some exotic place where Americans can’t get us.  If there isn’t such a place, then we will hijack a hell of a lot of bombs and crash a plane into NYC with us inside firing away as we go down.  Just something to cause more devastation.”

“This quote was not written by a member of Al Queda or any other terrorist group.  It was written by a junior in Columbine High School-a boy who came from a stable family, got good grades, and wanted to destroy the world.  His name was Eric Harris.”

these are the first two paragraphs of Why Kids Kill by Peter Langman.  this book goes into the minds of school shooters to try to provide insight into why it is school shootings happen and what can be done to prevent them from happening.  Langman has over 20 years worth of experience with treating at-risk youth.  he writes in the preface “I did not want to write this book.  I deliberately resisted the thought that this book needed to be written.  I wanted to believe that the rash of school shootings in the late 1990s was over.  It was naive hope.”

there are 10 “rampage shooters” that are discussed in this book.  he chose them because there was enough information on them to analyze the shooters and their actions.  in a couple of the cases where the shooters committed suicide,  he has pulled some information from their personal writings both private and public.  the shooters discussed and a brief summary are as follows:

“Evan Ramsey, age 16 Bethel, Alaska. Evan was suicidal.  When he told friends that he wanted to kill himself, they encouraged him to kill other people at school.  With their encouragement, he developed a hit list.  On February 19, 1997, Evan went to school and shot a student and the principal.  Both died.  He also wounded two other students.  Evan put a gun under is chin to kill himself but could not bring himself to pull the trigger.  Evan remains in prison.

Michael Carneal, age 14 Paducah, Kentucky. Michael talked about “something big” that was going to happen on the Monday after Thanksgiving.  On December 1, 1997, Michael went to school with five firearms: a pistol, two rifles, and two shotguns.  He killed three girls and wounded five other students.  Michael yelled for someone to kill him but made no attempt to kill himself.  He remains in prison, where he has attempted suicide at least twice.

Andrew Golden, age 11 and Mitchell Johnson, age 13 Jonesboro, Arkansas. On March 24, 1998, the two boys carried out a sniper attack from outside the school as students and teachers exited the building after Andrew pulled a fire alarm.  They killed four girls and a teacher and wounded nine other students and one other teacher.  Andrew and Mitchell were too young to be tried as adults in Arkansas but were convicted as juveniles.  They served their time until they turned 21.  Both have been released and are free men.

Andrew Wurst, age 14 Edinboro, Pennsylvania. On April 24, 1998, Andrew went to a school dinner-dance.  Before leaving, he left a suicide note at home and picked up a pistol.  At the dance, he shot and killed a teacher and wounded another teacher and two students.  Andrew remains in prison.

Kip Kinkel, age 15 Springfield, Oregon. On May 20, 1998, Kip was suspended for having a gun at school.  Later that day he killed his parents.  The next day he went to school and killed 2 students and wounded 25.  Kip had planned to kill himself but was tackled by students before he had the chance.  He yelled for someone to kill him.  Kip will be in prison for the rest of his life.

Eric Harris, age 18 and Dylan Klebold, age 17 Jefferson County, Colorado. On April 20, 1999, Eric and Dylan carried out a complex attack involving a sequence of bombs and shooting that they had planned for over a year.  Because most of the bombs did not detonate, Eric and Dylan were forced to improvise.  They began shooting outside the school, then entered the building and continued shooting.  They killed 12 students and 1 teacher and wounded 23 students.  Eric and Dylan committed suicide in Columbine High School.

Jeffrey Weise, age 16 Red Lake, Minnesota. On March 21, 2005, Jeffrey killed his grandfather, who was a police officer.  He also killed his grandfather’s girlfriend.  Jeffrey then drove his grandfather’s police cruiser to school, where he killed the security guard, a teacher, and five students.  He wounded seven other students, the committed suicide at the school.

Seung Hui Cho, age 23 Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, Blacksburg, Virginia. Early on the morning of April 16, 2007, Seung killed 2 students in a dormitory.  He then mailed a package containing a “multimedia manifesto” to NBC News.  Following this, Seung went to a classroom building where he killed 30 people, including students and professors, and wounded 17 others.  Seung then committed suicide.

by Zita