How to Be an Adult Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

by David Richo

Shambhala (2002)

I would venture to say that we all have problems in the relationships we share with those we care the most about. It’s how we interact and respond to these problems that often solve the conflict or result in a disastrous outcome. Our awareness about ourselves and the understanding of our responses with the desire for adult consideration seem to work out the best results. Responses generated without forethought and heavy on emotionalism break down willingness for communication, increase drama, and lead to a disintegrating relationship.

David Richo understands that love is experienced differently by each of us. He has centered this book on the five aspects of love and how our self-esteem emerges from relationship contact with others:

1. Attention (leads to self-respect)

2. Acceptance (being a good person)

3. Appreciation (generation of self worth)

4. Affection (feeling loveable)

5. Allowed Freedom (pursuit of our deepest wishes, needs, desires, values, etc.)

David’s very helpful book explores these five As in detail, breaking down the positive and negative effects of interpreting our behavior effectively. He helps us to understand the five As and how they can improve the chances for a  more positive companionship while exploring real intimacy.

David leads the reader to explain their past behavior by exploring their shadow. The result is increasing the awareness of why we make certain choices.

How to Be an Adult is not just about romantic time with your partner. It’s also about child-parent, parent-aging parent, worker-coworker, etc., basically any meaningful relationship in your life. David’s book is a major treatise for improving your knowledge of who you are, a guide on how to express truthfully and genuinely who you are, a guide for learning about and respecting boundaries.

Having a good relationship requires much work on ourselves. By being more comfortable about who we are allows us to pursue the satisfaction of our times with others more completely with more satisfaction. This is a masterly crafted tool for us to use to chisel our interactions in a way to create an artfully fulfilled life.

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