Award winning author, Christopher Buckley, has written a wonderful memoir Losing Mum and Pup that chronicles the year in which he lost both of his parents. Those parents just happened to be rather famous. His father, William F. Buckley, was the father of the modern conservative movement and his mother, Patricia, was one of New York’s most glamorous and colorful socialites. He was their only child and their relationship was close and complicated. He makes it very clear on the front book flap that they were not your typical mom and dad and that is quite an understatement!! The book is both a nostalgic look back on their lives together but also offers understanding, humor and warmth to those dealing with the death of a parent. The book definitely enticed me to read more about these two people which is exactly what a good book is supposed to do! I will keep you posted on what I find. Just this week on The New York Time’s Best Sellers List, it has reached number 8 so I am not alone in enjoying this unique memoir….. and my mother loved it too.
I have also just finished Elizabeth Edward’s book, Resilience which is number 4 on the Time’s list this week. We all know her story, married to politician John Edwards; she has lived a life filled with wonderful times and the most heart-wrenching experiences possible. She lost her oldest son, Wade, in a freak car accident when he was only 16 years old. Later in her life while her husband was running for president she was diagnosed with breast cancer. After rounds of surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, the cancer went away- only to return in 2007. It was during this time that more heartache was discovered . . . that being her husband’s infidelity. The book was so sad in parts but this part was really hard to read.
She was incredibly honest in her description of hopes that were dashed to pieces. She writes “I am imperfect in a million ways, but I always thought I was the kind of woman, the kind of wife, to whom a husband would be faithful. I had asked for fidelity, begged for it, really, when we married. I never need flowers or jewelry; I don’t care about vacations or a nice car. But I need you to be faithful. Leave me, if you must, but be faithful to me if you are with me.” If that doesn’t break your heart there is something wrong with you! I did enjoy the book, though, I always learn from other people’s lives but this one really is just plain tough; she has terminal cancer, young children and a marriage that is still unsure. One thing, though, is that she is strong and clearly proves that you can learn to live with horrible things, the death of a child, the diagnosis and return of terminal cancer and the loss of the one dream you longed for. She really is quite something.
I had heard about this next book from my sister-in-law whose book club is reading it, and it was in my memoir section so I picked it up and couldn’t put it down. This makes three books that deal with all forms of loss (this was unintentional, really). It is called Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal by Julie Metz. It reminded me of another book that I blogged about several months ago called, Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies. There seems to be a lot of books out now written by strong, articulate women who have survived real and difficult experiences. Both of these women dealt with the loss of dreams and the realization that your life is not playing out the way you thought it would.
In Metz’s book, her life changed in an instant when she heard a thud in the room above her while she fixed her daughter’s lunch in the kitchen below. The thud was her husband, Henry, who collapsed from an aneurism when he was only 44. The ride to the hospital, the confirmation of his death and subsequent experiences are raw and emotional. She is left a single mother of a six-year-old daughter. She takes the reader on a seven month journey through a widow’s deep grief. Metz believes she is coming along alright when something even worse happens. Through a course of events, it begins to unravel that Henry had been consistently unfaithful to her, with many women, throughout their entire 16-year marriage. This was completely unbeknownst to her. His last affair took place over the past 2 years and was with one of her closest friends whom she had relied on so much following Henry’s death. One life ended in his death but another life ended when she had to face the fact that her marriage was never what she thought it was.
She slowly begins to rebuild after seeking out each of the women in her husband’s long line of lovers and those interactions are fascinating though painful. I thought each woman’s initial reaction upon hearing from “the wife” was especially interesting. We follow along with her as she comes to terms with betrayal and widowhood. She genuinely seeks rebirth and happiness….if not perfection.
I really liked this woman. Henry was a fool.
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